


a very velaran life day

by hydrospanners



Series: renegade [1]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Character Background, Gen, Kieres Velaran, Nirea Velaran, Origin Story, Rhese Velaran, The Author Indulges Herself Greatly, Thinly-Veiled Holiday Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21747490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hydrospanners/pseuds/hydrospanners
Summary: every 3 years, wookiees across the galaxy come together to mourn what they've lost, honor what they love, and celebrate the plans they have for the future. and maybe it's a bit weird to be so invested in a holiday mainly meant for wookiees, but no one ever said the velarans were normal.these are the thinly-veiled holiday vignettes about jedi knight nirea velaran's family and those who orbit them throughout the years.
Series: renegade [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/987951
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. the golden gizka

**Author's Note:**

> This is extremely self-indulgent nonsense largely revolving around my own characters which I write every year at the holidays as a gift to myself. I will eventually get to stories featuring canon characters but mostly this is about my own. Chapters will be posted sporadically and will likely stop altogether after Christmas until the next winter holiday season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to [meonlyred](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meonlyred) for song title suggestions.

# 25 BTC - Coronet City, Corellia

The twelfth time _A Day to Celebrate_ starts to play, Ranna flings the transceiver against the wall. It flies through the holotree still clinging to life by the window, leaving the neon branches flickering, its motor whining as it struggles to regen the projection. 

She hopes it fails, but even her misery is a disappointment today. The tree solidifies into a standard, jolly tree shape and the busted transceiver is _just_ whole enough to keep playing that stupid fucking song. 

_A day to celebrate,_ she thinks, bitterness dripping from her thoughts. _What the fuck have I got left to celebrate?_

Her knee hurts so much she can’t even hobble to the kitchen for a beer to numb the pain. Not that it matters; she drank the last beer hours ago, and it’s not like there’s anyone around to run to the store for her, is there? 

“Happy fucking Life Day,” she grumbles, glaring at the transceiver like that might be enough to finally do it in. 

It isn’t. _Joy to the Worm_ starts playing and it’s somehow even worse than _A Day to Celebrate_. 

Pain pulses through her leg, her buzz finally wearing off enough that she can feel her legs again, and Ranna desperately wishes she’d given up and gone to bed hours ago. Her parents won’t be back from work until morning and Raad is-- 

Who the fuck knows where Raad is? She hasn’t heard from him since she washed out of the Academy. He’d been annoyingly optimistic about it-- _“It’s not washing out,”_ he’d tried to tell her. _“It’s a medical discharge. That’s different.”_ \--but then he’d vanished into thin air and she’d had to take a public transport back home, alone with her beat up go-bag and the enormous contraption meant to be healing her knee. Not exactly the cutting edge of medical technology, but it was the best they could spare for a useless, busted nugget. Anything for the fucking war. 

Stars, she needs a beer. 

No. Not a beer. She needs a _whiskey_. She needs _six_ whiskeys. Six whiskeys and maybe a very limber young lady with a nice smile and nicer-- 

“Happy Life Day!” 

Like she summoned him with her thoughts, Raad bursts through the front door. His face is flushed with cold and his are eyes sparkling with excitement, an almost-beard she’s never seen before sprouting across his jaw. He’s aged six years in the six months since she saw him. 

Ranna wants to punch him square in his handsome fucking face. 

She wants to throw her arms around him and never let him go. 

“Where the fuck have you been?” She demands, reaching for the anger because that’s what she always does. Because tonight is not the night for personal fucking growth. 

Raad just laughs. “I missed you too,” he says, grinning like everything is just the way it used to be. Like the galaxy’s still full of possibility and adventure. Like her life didn’t just end before it even got started. “You ready to see what I got you for Life Day?” His smile slips, just for a second, while his eyes search for the missing chrono, now one of the six different pieces of shattered transceiver scattered across the floor. “It is still Life Day isn’t it? I know I was cutting it close, but--” 

“Oh, it’s Life Day alright.” _Joy to the Worm_ finally ends, but it’s followed up with a static-y _Bingle Bells_ which is even worse. “All fucking day.” 

Undeterred by her mood as always--both his most charming and most annoying trait--Raad just beams at her. “Great. Then let’s go see your present!” 

Ranna snorts, gesturing to the sixty pounds of metal caging her stupidass leg. “Not fucking likely.” 

“You can still ride in a speeder. C’mon Ranna, it’ll be worth it, I swear!” 

It’s a tired line by now and she’s never known it to be true, but Raad looks down at her with those big, brown eyes so full of earnestness and excitement and it doesn’t matter how sideways his promises always go. She’s gonna go right along with anything he asks cause she’s a damned fool who could never say no to that pleading look. Cute fucking asshole. 

She scowls up at him half-heartedly. “You want me to go, you’re gonna have to carry my ass.” 

He’s supposed to laugh--a year ago he would have--but things have changed while she’s been at the Academy. Her little string bean is tall now, half a head taller than her, and that lanky frame of his has filled out. He reaches down, all earnest excitement, and lifts her out of the chair like she weighs nothing at all. Of course, he bangs her caged leg on the door twice trying to maneuver her out of it, but she’s so proud he can carry her now she doesn’t do more than hiss at him when he does it. 

And, of course, grab her blaster from the holster hanging by the door. She learned a long time ago not to go anywhere with Raad without proper precautions. 

The speeder is not one she remembers, but it looks just like every other ride he’s ever had. The chassis are a thousand years old and beat all to hell, patched in a dozen places with pieces from a dozen different machines, looking like the only thing holding it together is spit and luck. And if it’s anything like his other rides, under all that rust and despair is a pristine fucking engine that looks and flies like it was lifted directly from the speeder of the most corrupt Senator on Coruscant. 

“Where’d you get this hunk of junk?” 

Raad shrugs, trying to ease her into the passenger seat without much success on the easing part. “She’s a loaner. My friend Telo’s.” 

“You? Without a speeder? Never thought I’d see the day.” 

Once Ranna’s in, trying very hard to hide how much her leg hurts after he banged it against everything coming and going, Raad swings his legs over the side of the speeder and drops into the pilot’s seat. “Some things are more important than speeders,” he says, smiling that smile he always wears when he’s trying to hide something. He’s the worst fucking liar in the galaxy. 

“Not to you,” Ranna says. 

“Might be I’ve learned a thing or two since you left.” 

Ranna snorts. “We’ll see about that.” 

Seeing as how the speeder isn’t actually Raad’s, the shabby exterior isn’t actually disguising tens of thousands of credits’ worth of exquisite machinery under the hood. It’s a rough, stuttering ride to the spaceport. Ranna tries her best not to swear every time her leg gets knocked around by the damn thing, but she knows she isn’t succeeding. 

Raad takes it all in stride. He’s in one of those moods where he’s so happy nothing can touch him and it’d be annoying if it wasn’t so damned contagious. 

Happy fucking bastard. 

Once the speeder is parked and Raad comes round to haul her useless ass out, Ranna throws up a hand, looking at him suspiciously. “I’m not gonna get arrested for this, am I?” 

The trouble is, she can’t figure what he could possibly have gotten her that would have to stay in the spaceport. He can’t afford anything big and he’s gotta know she’d have nowhere to store it even he could. Which basically just leaves smuggled shit. Either that or he finally convinced Kalinski to let her have a free swing. She’s been waiting half her life to nail that smug little motherfucker right in his prissy motherfucking nose and she doesn’t want to get her hopes up or anything, but punching Kalinski would really turn her Life Day around. 

All Raad says is, “I guess that depends on how you use it. Let’s go.” 

Not exactly comforting. And probably not a free swing at Kalinski either. But it’s not like she’s got a military career left to ruin so what’s another fucking arrest? 

She sacrifices her dignity on the pyre of his excitement and lets Raad wrap an arm around her waist, half-dragging her through the port. It’s crowded just the same as it always is. Doesn’t matter if it’s Life Day or Election Day or Invasion Day; someone always needs to get somewhere and there’s always credits to be made taking them, so the spaceport is always crowded. Over the noise and bustle, she thinks she can hear the faint sound of fucking _Bingle Bells_ playing on the loudspeaker. 

Thankfully, it isn’t far before Raad’s steps start to slow. “Okay,” he says, “time to close your eyes, Ran. We’re almost there.” 

“Close my eyes?” She snorts. “I’m already crippled. You want to blind me too?” 

He rolls his eyes. “Just do it, okay? I swear it’s not much farther.” 

Making a show of her reluctance, Ranna lets her eyes fall shut. It’s disorienting as hell, but Raad is taking so much of her weight he’s practically carrying her over the last few steps to what she guesses is one of the hangar bays. She’s tempted to have a look, just to see if she’s right, but Raad wants to surprise her and she can’t let him down. 

“No peeking!” He warns. 

“I think you’re overestimating my curiosity,” she teases, and he laughs right in her ear. 

They shuffle to a stop and she can feel the way his hands tighten on her waist, the way he’s almost trembling with anticipation. She can hear the faint countdown he’s doing under his breath as he blows out a long, steadying exhale. 

“Okay,” he finally says. “Open your eyes.” 

She does. 

Her good knee trembles beneath her, almost collapsing under the weight of what she sees. 

Ranna can’t see his face, can’t look anywhere but straight ahead, at the impossible thing she can’t be seeing, but she doesn’t have to look at him to know he’s beaming like a thousand suns. 

“She’s _The Golden Gizka_ ,” Raad says. “And she’s all yours, Ran. Right and legal and everything.” 

For the first time in months, Ranna forgets her pain. The weight of everything lifts from her chest, and when she sucks in a deep breath of air, it doesn’t even matter that the air down here is stale and stinks of oil and unwashed bodies. It’s the best gulp of air she’s ever had, because it’s her first breath as a motherfucking _captain_. 

“Well fuck me sideways,” she says. 

Raad laughs. 

“Karking _shit_ , Raad. H--” She starts to ask _how_ he’d done this impossible thing, but then she remembers the borrowed speeder, the way he vanished right after she washed out. 

“Now before you go being impressed my noble generosity,” Raad says, “you should know I’m changing the engine codes if you don’t make me your first mate.” 

She laughs, trying to ignore the way tears are stinging at the corners of her eyes. “Who the fuck else would I pick?” 

They don’t talk about it, but they both know all her bridges here got burned before she left. And maybe that’s why she’s staring down a glorious hunk of junk with her name on the title; maybe Raad figured out why she burned those bridges. Why she left Corellia in the first place. Maybe he feels like he owes her. 

She wants to ask, but she doesn’t. Maybe one day she’ll be brave enough to wonder why. 

“You keep stroking my ego like that,” Raad says, “my head’ll be too big to fit up the ramp.” 

“Shame.” 

He laughs, and then he’s dragging her forward, to the lowered boarding ramp of the ship that is, unbelievably, hers. “I know she’s not much to look at--” 

“--but she’s got it where it counts?” Ranna finishes for him. 

He hesitates. “Uh, no. Not really. She’s pretty much junk on the inside too. But I know this mechanic...” 

He gives her a sheepish look, like she’s going to be upset with him for giving her a garbage ship. Like the condition of the thing matters at all when he just gave her a _motherfucking starship_. 

“Raadris Velaran, I know you aren’t out there hiring my crew before I’ve even boarded my ship.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Captain.” He grins one of those shit-eating grins she loves best. “But as your first mate, I’ve got some suggestions.” 

“If it’s Daeleth you’re about to pitch, don’t waste your breath.” 

Raad’s face falls. “Really?” 

“He’s the best starsdamned mechanic on Corellia, Raad, and that’s saying something. Save the sales pitch for _him_. Stars know we’ve got fuck all to offer.” 

“Oh you don’t need to worry about that. I got a plan.” 

Raad having a plan was the very _definition_ of something she needed to worry about, but worry could wait until tomorrow. Today, for the eleven glorious minutes left in the best Life Day she could ever remember having, Ranna Velaran wasn’t going to worry about a damn thing. 

“Can she get off the ground at least?” She asks. 

Raad waggles his brows at her. “Only one way to find out, isn’t there?” 

Ranna’s no expert, but she knows enough to know that _The Gizka_ is in rough shape. Maybe rough enough shape that just cranking the sublight could be the end of her, and possibly the end of everyone in a half-mile radius. 

But what’s the point of living without taking a risk every now and again? 

Head held high and walking under her own power for the first time in days, Captain Ranna Velaran hobbles slowly up the boarding ramp of her very own starship. 

“Happy fucking Life Day indeed.” 


	2. counting down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just as the seconds tick by before life day begins and nirea velaran gets her first turn lighting the tree, so too do the days before she will be sent away from her little family in their little home on imperial-occupied eriadu. she just doesn't know it yet.

# 10 BTC — Eriadu City, Eriadu 

_23:59:11_. 

_23:59:12_. 

Nirea shivers with anticipation. 

Her father’s hands settle on her shoulders and she can feel the warmth of his laughter against her cheek as he presses a kiss to her temple. “Just a few more seconds, Turhaya. Almost there.” 

_23:59:15._

Rhese squeals from their mother’s lap, a sound that almost sounds like “tree”, and claps his chubby little hands together. 

_23:59:16._

“Yes, sweetie,” Mama coos, wrapping her hands around his so they can clap together. “We’re going to light up the tree.” 

_23:59:19._

“Everyone smile!” Kieres points the holocam at them, gathered around their little tree in the darkness, no light except what peeks through the cracks between the heavy shutters on the windows. Rea smiles wide, tilting her head against their mother’s lap. 

_23:59:24._

_23:59:25._

“Say ‘Life Day’!” Their father tells them. A bright light floods the room. 

_23:59:27._

“Got it!” 

Their faces are illuminated by the blue haze of the projector as Kieres shows them the picture, three faces smiling at the holocam and Rhese staring at some point off to the side, one of his fists in his mouth. 

Nirea looks back to the chrono. 

_23:59:36._

“Turn it off! Turn it off!” Her finger returns to the button on the tree’s base, hovering just above it, wavering with the excitement. It’s almost time! 

_23:59:39._

Kieres turns the holo off, bathing them in darkness again. 

_24:59:41._

“Not long now,” her father whispers. His hands squeeze her shoulders as Nirea rocks back and forth on her toes, the thrill of it all too much for her little body, filling her up and pouring over. 

_23:59:42._

_23:59:43._

“It was you in my lap at the last Life Day, Nirea. Do you remember that?” Her mother’s voice is soft in the darkness, flowing through the heavy, waiting silence like water through the rocks. 

Nirea rolls onto her toes again. 

“Rhese wasn’t even born yet,” Kieres points out. “I got to light the tree!” 

_23:59:48._

Something in Nirea’s belly pulls, cold and tight, as her mother hums agreement. Something is wrong in her voice when she says, “And maybe next Life Day, Rhese will get to take a turn.” 

_23:59:50._

“Let’s enjoy this Life Day before we start thinking about the next one,” her father says, and there’s something wrong in his voice too. Something secret and heavy that doesn’t feel like Life Day at all. She can feel him smiling when he kisses her cheek but she knows, somehow, that there’s no happiness under his smile. That he’s lying to her. She feels something inside of her that’s dark and yawning, that twists her stomach into knots, and she knows it’s coming from him, from her father and her mother and the future and— 

_23:59:54_. 

Rea jabs the button for the lights. 

Nothing happens. 

_23:59:55._

She presses the button again. Again and again and again. 

“Nirea!” Her mother is laughing, but nothing is funny. “It isn’t time yet!” 

_23:59:59._

“It isn’t working!” Rea wails. Tears are pricking in the corners of her eyes. 

Her father shushes her, his chest warm and solid against her back, his hand heavy on her shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he tells her, and she thinks he isn’t talking about the tree. 

_00:00:00._

The chrono flashes zeroes, and Life Day begins in the dark. 

Rea punches the button one more time, and her chest gets tight when nothing happens again. It feels like something heavy is pressing down on her throat, squeezing it closed, and it’s getting hard to breathe and she wants to be sick-- 

Then her father’s hand is wrapping around hers, sparking something inside her. “I’ve got you, Turhaya,” he says. “Trust me.” 

The spark is warm and strong, and it fights back against that heavy feeling, against the thing turning her stomach into knots. It dances through her, coursing down her spine and her legs and her arms; it courses all the way to her fingers and her toes. 

And then it surges out of her, leaping from the hand joined with her father’s to the base of the Life Day tree. 

_00:00:02_. 

Bulbs of every color flicker to life around the tree. They’re brighter than she’s ever seen them, almost buzzing with new power, filling the whole house with cheerful light. 

Rhese gasps and claps his hand against the fist still in his mouth, gurgling as he tries to talk around it. 

Kieres starts to sing. 

_00:00:05._

Nirea’s father pulls her hand away from the tree, his fingers stroking hers in all the places that still tingle with electricity. His heart is pounding against her back and without the spark, without its light and its warmth, she can feel that dark weight coming back, twisting her up and suffocating her. 

The lights are on now. Why does she feel so afraid? 

_00:00:08._

Kieres is still singing, loud and full and happy. 

She’s singing alone. 

The fear weighs in Rea’s belly like a cold, heavy stone and when she turns around in her father’s embrace, when she looks into his face, she knows somehow that it belongs to him. To him and to her mother, watching her with their wide, frightened eyes. 

_Safety is secrecy,_ her father always says. _Hold your spark inside you, Turhaya. I know it’s hard, but we could get hurt if anyone sees._

She made a mistake. She made a mistake and she doesn’t know what’s going to happen but she knows it’s bad and she knows it’s her fault. She let herself get so scared she couldn’t keep the spark in and now--Now-- 

The darkness inside her is building, like the spark but colder. Slicker, like oil. Rea shivers, trying with everything she has to push it back down. To think of something else so she won’t get in trouble again. So no one gets hurt. 

Rhese starts to wail. 

The chrono flashes _00:01:00_ on the worst Life Day Nirea Velaran has ever had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a fun and challenging experiment in trying to write from a child's POV. Trying to figure out what your emotions are is hard enough when you don't have the Force... Trying to describe that in a six-year-old who _does_ have the Force and is trying to tell her own feelings from everyone else's is.... Well, I don't know if I succeeded but it was fun to try!


End file.
